23.4.2011

i dunno how to explain today. it suck.
today, the whole day, i just didnt step outside my room.
except at 4p.m something. is raining outside.
i decide to go out to take a shower.
but this never make me clear, clear about how she feel.
in fact, for taking shower like this 3 days continuos,
i got sick. i didnt eat my lunch, and my dinner,
when everyone go out, i didnt go out, for two reason,
1st, i am waiting for u, 2nd, i cannot eat with my dad,
because the situation is just damm bad.
now i gonna sleep in the room that no air cond, and the fan
just can open until speed 2 [maximum is 5] and that is a really
tiny room.. i can say it is smaller than the room that my kakak sleep.
but, who cares? i mean, will she care??
im trying to tell her, for so many days.
but i failed, she didnt have the time anymore.
sometimes i think, i can stand the 3 months she not besides me,hardly.
i really get annoyed. i really harrdly stand it.
but if the situation changed, will she stand this? will she wait me 3 months.
i dont dare to think. dont dare to think.
i really afraid to the answer. but on the other hand, i hoping she can give me the
answer i wish to hear.
maybe she dunno, about the girl name ah qing,
i had told my wife that this girl she like me, but i swear i dun like her.
i swear. please believe me.
this girl, after a few days i reject her, she told me that things that surprise me.
she say she dont mind that i have girlfriend, she say she dont mind be the second one.
wao, i got shock. but i didnt done any mistake, i never care about her.
but u, my wife, u heart get shaken when i not there,
when 3 people chasing u.
i dunno how i stand it.
my shoulder is always heavy.
my heart is so uncomfortable when u talking to all this guys.
but im trying,trying to not to.
i think my feeling is unimportant.
but when i talk, write, it is the feeling. its real.
please do not waste it and judge it.
today, i thinking about the every girl i meet in college. they are nothing on u.
i cant find anyone that have a little bit 'ke neng'  that i will like.
i dunno u can understand what i mean a not.
i just cannot stop loving u.
ur face, ur hand, ur warm, i dont want to lost.
u know what is fake smile?? when u are not there, i cant smile from my heart.
i cant be really happy. i cant.
but will u respond to me?
sorry that i love u.
i hoping ur respond. is the respond i wish to get.

now i just can tell u, i facing a really big problem. i could not solve it.
deadline is next week monday. i dunno what to do. i really panic this few day.


now i hungry, so  how?

please note that my heart is just very small. i put and keep every thing inside
my heart, please do not throw my heart away and in the dustbin.
please do not throw it back to me.


11.52p.m